Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
