ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
