I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
