You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
