you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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