I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
only you would photoshop your dick
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
not ubering you a puppy
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
