You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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