Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
