My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
