WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
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I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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