when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You took a bar mat shot.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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