I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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