I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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