why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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