He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
