So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
