Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
