he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I smell like Dick and happiness
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
