some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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