can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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