You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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