He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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