well I can't set my house on fire every night
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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