8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
