He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just found puke in my bra..
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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