my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize