Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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