your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
