i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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