She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
