girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
