We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
