went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
