Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
