ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
