doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
