but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
