I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
