just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
