Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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