No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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