please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
