go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
