you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
