we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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