I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So much rum. So many feels.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
