proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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