Yo dont text me then not text me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
