i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
