i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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