I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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