We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Congratulations! We have a period
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
