Kareoke will never be a sober sport
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
