I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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