Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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