my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize