do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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