I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
