I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
