he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
