My hair reeks of homosexuality.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
