I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
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So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
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my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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