Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
