yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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