I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
